God always provides

Today was a GREAT day for Brinley! Brinley weighs 4lbs 10oz and today she opened her eyes a ton, and wiggled all over her isolete. They've been giving her a diuretic the past couple of days and it has taken so much fluid off her little body, she's finally starting to look like my baby again and now instead of 3 double chins she only has 2. HA! The Nurse Practitioner told us this morning that he heard a murmur so he ordered an Echo just to be sure her the clip on her PDA had opened up, the Echo showed everything to look good. The NP said she does have a murmur but it's nothing to worry about. Brinley is up to 15cc of breast milk every 3 hours and is tolerating her feeds very well, the little stinker hasn't pooped in over a week they've been giving her suppositories once or twice a day but still no poop. He's not worried about it and just says when it's time she'll poop.

Another reason today was such a great day was because she got to meet her Aunt Brenda and Aunt Heather for the 1st time. Actually Heather got to see her at Willow Creek right before she was transported but this was the 1st time Brenda ever saw her. Of course they said the same thing everyone else says "she looks just like her daddy" I just love showing her off. We had a great visit with them and then Aunt Brenda treated us to lunch at The Purple Cow it was the first time any of us had ever eaten there and if you haven't tried it you should, their milkshakes are yummy!

Since the day Brinley was born we've been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love our little family has been shown. Yesterday at our church (New Sulphur Free Will Baptist) they took up a love offering for us. Brian's dad called us last night and told us how much money everyone had donated and I just bawled. I've been praying "God please just give us enough to get by" the Lord has provided. I don't know how to thank everyone who has given to us so freely, there is no way that I'll be able to thank each of these people personally. I just pray that we may be able to return the favor and bless another family as we have be blessed. I think it's really about passing it on, I know in the future I'll give more freely. Sometimes it takes being on the receiving end to have your eyes opened up, I know I'll never forget the money we have received from family, neighbors, church family and friends and I may not be able to thank them personally but I can pass on the blessing to someone else.

Mothers Day

Today is my 1st Mothers Day, It's a really special day for me I've waited what feels like an eternity to have a baby and now I finally have one. Everyone has been so sweet I've got a bunch of texts, calls, emails all wishing me a Happy Mothers Day and telling me what a great mom I'll be and how lucky Brinley is to have me for a mom. I honestly don't know what to say when people say things like that I just want to ask them "what is it you see in my that tells you I'm going to be a good mom?" I honestly don't know what they see in me that makes them say those sweet things. I have so many questions and insecurities about bringing Brinley home and taking care of her I'm so afraid of failing. I know I don't have to be perfect but I want to be the best mom I can be. I can't wait until the day we leave the hospital with her in the back seat and get to bring her home for the first time but at the same time I'm scared to death. It's like what do we do with her now? I don't have any idea, I hope it comes natural if not we might be in trouble. Some of the things I'm most looking forward to doing is rocking her to sleep, breast feeding (yes, I've been pumping for 2 months now) bathing her, cuddling with her, singing to her, reading to her, just watching her as she sleeps, getting up in the middle of the night with her, changing her into her many cute outfits, pushing her in a stroller, grocery shopping with her. I just can't wait... I feel so blessed today, I know now why God hasn't given me a baby sooner. God was making me wait so he could bless me with Brinley, she is so beautiful and perfect. I'm certainly not the same person that entered the hospital on February 25th, you can't go through something like this and not grow. I've grown in my faith, I've had to. There is no way I could have gotten through some of the days in the NICU with God, he has held my hand and dried my tears since day one.

First time visitors

One advantage to being at Arkansas Children's Hospital is that Brinley can now have visitors, when she was in the NICU at Willow Creek only her grandparents could see her but here anyone over the age of 14 can take a peek at her. Her Aunt Jeanne and Uncle John will get to see her today for the first time and she can't wait to see them and neither can we. Also her Great Grandpa and Grandma will be coming to see her again today. I just love showing her off to everyone, I'm hoping she's feeling good today and is a little less sensitive to touch and noise but I'm sure if I had pneumonia and a tube in my throat I wouldn't feel good either.

Yesterday Dr.Prince told us she has pneumonia of course when she came by to round on Brinley I was in the lactation room taking care of business so Brian asked her to come back by because he knew I'd have questions and boy did I! The diagnosis of pneumonia scared me to death Brian tried to explain to me what she had said but I just couldn't imagine pneumonia not being a serious diagnosis. When she came back to Brinley's isolete she said her pseudomonas that she's had in her lungs for a couple of weeks now has now turned into pneumonia she said it wasn't the bad kind of pneumonia that is in your blood stream that it's in her lungs and caused from the ventilator, they've added another antibiotic for her to take and within 7 days she should be all better. WHEW!!

Today Brian and I are moving from StudioPlus to Value Place, we can save about $80 a week by doing this. I hate to pack everything up but when your going to be here for 4-6 weeks every dollar adds up and over a months time we can save around $320, that's alot of money.

I've neglected to blog the last few days, it's not that I haven't wanted to I just haven't had time to. I'm not going to go back and walk through the past few days it actually a time I don't want to remember but I know my heart will never let me forget.

Brinley is doing well now, she is on around 50% oxygen and still having alot of desats. They started her on diuretics again yesterday so I'm hoping that when some of the fluid is off of her she will have a little easier time breathing. They weaned her off the nitrous oxide and also the pulmonary hypertension medication yesterday and then they started her back on feeds 3cc of breast milk every 3 hours. The nurse told us yesterday that we could bring some clothes for her, of course I never thought about her needing clothes while we were down here so I didn't pack any of her preemie outfits. We went to babies r us and bought a preemie outfit and 6 onesis that are newborn size I'm hoping after I wash them that they shrink enough to fit her, we also bought some velcro and scissors the nurse said we would need to cut the arms and put velcro on them so they could undo the velcro to get it over her head because she still has an IV in each arm. We also got to hold her yesterday for the first time in almost a month, she was completely zonked out I don't know if she ever even knew she was being held or not but I like to think she loved it as much as we did. I held her for an hour and a half and Brian got to hold her for 45 minutes.

Ambulance transfer FINALLY!

Brinley weighed 4lbs 6 ounces today I love her more with each passing second my heart is just filled with so many hopes and dreams for her and us. I just can't wait to bring her home, I just feel it getting nearer and nearer and I get so anxious and my mind just runs wild with all the things I'm going to be able to do with her. Top on my list is just to hold her for endless hours and kiss her sweet face and I've just been dying to kiss her little toes too! I've already noticed I am really selfish with her, I know I have to share her but I just really want her all to myself. It's funny that I'm talking about it getting closer to time for her to come home when she's actually going a further distance away right now. We are on Interstate 540 following a Angels One ambulance to Children's Hospital in Little Rock, the decision was made Thursday to fly her to St.Louis Children's hospital on Friday morning but because of the storms they couldn't fly in, the re-evaluated the flight 3 times on Friday and then they called it off and rescheduled for this morning but the weather hasn't improved any so they couldn't fly in again today. Dr.Linn really wanted her to be transferred today and didn't want to wait another day to pass because her Chest x-ray didn't look great and her blood gas wasn't good either. He called Children's Hospital in Little Rock and asked if they could fly down and pick her up and they couldn't fly either because of the storms but they could do a ambulance transport so they arrived around 10pm tonight and we are right behind her in our car. I had prepared myself yesterday morning for her transfer and when it didn't go through I was just devastated I just wanted it done and over with so I didn't have to worry about it anymore but he just wasn't meant to be. I cried earlier before Angel One arrived but Brian told me I needed to be strong and I think I was, I think it's pretty cool that I'm just right behind you that makes me a little more comfortable and I'm really looking forward to finding out what the specialist at Children's Hospital has to say about her. I'm praying that they agree with Dr.Linn's diagnosis and that nothing else is wrong.