Mothers Day

Today is my 1st Mothers Day, It's a really special day for me I've waited what feels like an eternity to have a baby and now I finally have one. Everyone has been so sweet I've got a bunch of texts, calls, emails all wishing me a Happy Mothers Day and telling me what a great mom I'll be and how lucky Brinley is to have me for a mom. I honestly don't know what to say when people say things like that I just want to ask them "what is it you see in my that tells you I'm going to be a good mom?" I honestly don't know what they see in me that makes them say those sweet things. I have so many questions and insecurities about bringing Brinley home and taking care of her I'm so afraid of failing. I know I don't have to be perfect but I want to be the best mom I can be. I can't wait until the day we leave the hospital with her in the back seat and get to bring her home for the first time but at the same time I'm scared to death. It's like what do we do with her now? I don't have any idea, I hope it comes natural if not we might be in trouble. Some of the things I'm most looking forward to doing is rocking her to sleep, breast feeding (yes, I've been pumping for 2 months now) bathing her, cuddling with her, singing to her, reading to her, just watching her as she sleeps, getting up in the middle of the night with her, changing her into her many cute outfits, pushing her in a stroller, grocery shopping with her. I just can't wait... I feel so blessed today, I know now why God hasn't given me a baby sooner. God was making me wait so he could bless me with Brinley, she is so beautiful and perfect. I'm certainly not the same person that entered the hospital on February 25th, you can't go through something like this and not grow. I've grown in my faith, I've had to. There is no way I could have gotten through some of the days in the NICU with God, he has held my hand and dried my tears since day one.